You’ve found the right place. The simple reality is that most guys who are trying to get good with women and are trying to become a PUA will many times just focus on the women instead of themselves.  They project their thoughts and feelings outward and in many cases try to change people around them. It is very manipulative if you break it down.

For example, instead of thinking – what should I work on to improve myself to have other people want to spend time with me, they try to think of easy ways for people to be tricked into liking them. The question someone should ask themselves is “Am I living the type of lifestyle where other guys and gals would want to hang out with me?”  If not, then engineer your life style where you are that fun guy that people enjoy being around. Don’t be negative, have fun, do fun things.

Take the advice given from guys who are active members of the number 1 PUA Forum, read at least 10 posts a day and focus on constant improvement.  Hit the gym, learn some new hobbies, learn the best way to text a girl, play some sports.  Be active, social and give love to others. One way to think of this is to lead with a giving hand. Approach your interactions with people, as how can I make them happier that this instant?

Learn some PUA Openers that will help break the ice, then focus on bringing them value.  Now don’t be a wussy, or act needy or do things JUST to make people happy at your expense… but find ways for both of you to have fun. Bring them value, instead of manipulating them or the situation to take value.  Most guys don’t think of dating in this way, they are much too aware of what they are going to get out of an interaction, instead of taking the time to think about what the people around them are getting. Remember, everyone wants a few simple things in life.

They want to be happy, they want to feel safe and they want to feel like other people respect them.  If you can provide those simple things to them, they will naturally be drawn to you as a person since you are fulfilling their core values in life. So listen, get out there start meeting people and think of how you are delivering value to everyone you are talking to at that moment.

Stay out of your own head, and instead enjoy the moment you are in and consciously think about how the people you are with are feeling.  Are their core values being met?  If not, focus on what you can do to deliver a positive experience to help make their night better. If you take the time to do that, all of your interactions with women (and people in general) will dramatically improve. So get out there and give it a try. Bill Preston

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I think the most common misconception is that there are these amazingly suave and smooth men out there who are adding notches to their belt by picking up as many woman as they can and then abandoning them.

While I’m not going to say there aren’t any Pick Up Artist types out there who are like this, they are few and far in between (and most live in England — just kidding). But really what the guys in what we call the seduction community are doing is teaching self-improvement skills, confidence and how to flirt.

We are showing that the average looking guy with the average job and average personality can learn techniques and skills to gain the confidence of a guy who looks like Brad Pitt and has the money and personality to match. We teach you how to do this when we share the secrets at http://www.puaforums.com/.

A lot of the charismatic skills we attribute to men who are successful in meeting women are things that can be taught and can be learned. There are many components to it, but I would have to say the biggest one I teach is the self-improvement aspect. It is realizing that you really are worthy of an amazing gal in your life. So I like to first work on self-esteem and self-confidence with a guy, which includes working on areas that might make him less attractive on the outside (maybe poor posture and bad clothes, etc). But the most important area to focus on his how he acts and how he is on the inside. Women don’t always want the most attractive guy in the room. Although we men are programmed biologically to be attracted by a woman’s physical attributes (that indicated a good person to bear his children), women are actually biologically programmed to look at other traits — ones that indicate he will be a good provider.

So really it is more important to focus on other aspects. Once we’ve spent some time doing this, I think it is important to teach men how to speak to women and that includes techniques to conquer that fear of approaching a woman. These are all skills and techniques that can be learned. I know. I’ve done it. I’ve done it so many times that it is completely natural at this point.

I’m so good at it that during PUA boot camps I’ve asked my students to think of the worst possible thing I could say to a girl in front of me and then I’ve gone up and said it and had success. You see the key isnt’ what you say, it is how you say it.

The point of what I’m trying to say here is that the Pick Up Artist community really is out there trying to groom and train men so they can offer women their best self. While there may be a few creeps out there, I would have to say that most men love women and want to meet that one dream woman out there. Although for both genders, we often end up kissing a lot of frogs to get there. Such is life.

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exercise makes you horny (Photo credit: Will Lion)

Most men (especially guys who are trying to become a PUA), place too much emphasis on every interaction they have with women.

When they do that — build the conversation up in their mind to a life-or-death situation, of course they are going to stumble over their words and fail when they get a chance to talk to a beautiful woman.

The way to overcoming this is to learn how to flirt at any time, anywhere and with anyone. It is a lot easier than it might seem. The basis of flirting is to engage in an interaction that lets the other person know you find them interesting. Realizing that the key in How To Flirt With A Girl is as simple as letting someone know you find them interesting takes a lot of pressure off the conversation.

A lot of guys may not realize this, but becoming a skillful flirt takes practice. But here’s the secret: Don’t wait until a woman is around to practice.  Practice on everyone at any time. That means learn how to have a decent conversation with the UPS guy, the elderly librarian, the kid who works at the grocery store. It’s not about expressing sexual attraction, it’s about having a conversation with someone you find interesting. Finding someone interesting doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. It means you are appreciating the qualities that make them unique and are expressing that interest.

I think the reason so many guys have issues with flirting is that they really don’t understand what it is. It is a way to playfully interact with another person. It is done in such a way that the other person knows that someone else finds them unique and interesting.

Just this simple definition takes a lot of the pressure off. Combined with a little bit of practice and anyone can become a great flirt in no time. It really is easy. Nothing is more fascinating than speaking to somebody who is genuinely interested in you as a person and what you have to say. So not only are you learning to flirt, but you are spreading good karma everywhere you go. The thing to remember in all this, is that whatever you do and whatever you say, make sure it is genuine.

Along with learning how to flirt you are also enriching your own life by appreciating others.

Once you have mastered the art of the flirt, you will be prepared when the girl of your dreams walks in the room. Instead of stuttering and being tongue tied, you will talk to her naturally and easily and even if she doesn’t leave with you, you will feel like a million bucks.

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shmoo (Photo credit: Exploding Aardvark)

According to the authors of “Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex!” these terms of endearment are the death knell for any passion. Let’s take a look at a typical, hypothetical, relationship.

In the beginning:

Your eyes meet and it is like a thunderbolt. Within a few weeks, you are her “Schmoo” and she is your “Hunny Bunny” and that’s just the way you both like it.

In a way, it’s like your own secret, affectionate language. Nobody else calls her that. You are a special couple and your love and passion runs oh so deep. Really, you’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You both are enamored of one another and try to spend every possible second together. You could care less about anyone or anything else in your life. And the sex? Out of this world. Into the stratosphere.

Five years later: Not so great. You might have sex once a month when “Hunny Bunny” deigns to share the bed with you. You are her “Schmoo” still, especially when she wants you to start a load of laundry.

Now you cringe everytime she calls you “Schmoo.” The worst part of all, you bought a dog a few years ago and she also calls the dog “Schmoo” sometimes. So not only do you feel emasculated, but you feel like the dog. As long as you wag your tail, everything will be fine.

And who in their right mind wants to get busy with a woman who treats you like the dog? Not me. We, as men, want to be masculine. We want to be manly and attractive to our women. Of course, there are times when we are sweet and cuddly with our girls, but that is not how we are all the time. We are also men who like to have sex. It is hard to be aroused when we are using cute little nicknames for each other.

Do You Like Horny Bunnies? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So nix those cutsie names and start calling each other by your real names. It could be a shorter version of your girl’s real name. For instance, if her name is Jennifer, maybe you’ll call her Jen or Jenny, but not Dumplin or something like that.

Although there are dozens of other worthy tips in this book, I’ll share one more with you: make sure you take time to make eye contact with your girl at least once every day for a prolonged length of time.

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Is it getting a little dull in the bedroom lately? Don’t despair and stay right where you are. When this happens, many people make the mistake of leaving the relationship to soon (check this out for more info), only to find that the exact same scenario happens again somewhere down the road with a new partner.

It is inevitable that desire will wane.  But it can be revived. That spark can be recaptured.

According to a new book “Stop Calling Him Honey … and Start Having Sex!” by Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis, there is quite a bit you can do to rev up your bedroom life again. They recommend everything from banishing baby talks and cute nicknames to closing the bathroom door when you do your duty. Also, don’t forget how to attract women, your significant other will notice this and it will kick up their attraction for you.

Here are a list of  other ideas to spice up your sex life:

1. Argue More. The authors say that this is not only good for your sex life, but good for your relationship in general. With a big warning: it must be good spirited disagreements that involve a smile and nothing that is hurtful or mean. Differences add spice to life and relationships.

2. Stand Your Ground. In other words, maintain your differences. Those are what attracted you to one another in the first place. Nothing is more boring to your relationship than agreeing on everything and having similar opinions and likes on everything under the sun.

3. Don’t Put (Her) on a Pedestal. The book actually recommends girls not put guys on a pedestal, but it works both ways. Perfect is boring and will never last. A woman will look elsewhere if you worship her and put her on a pedestal.

4. Learn to Dance. The same concepts behind dancing where there is always movement needs to be applied to relationships as well. Sometimes you will lead. Other times she will. It is OK for her to lead at times. In fact, you will probably think it is sexy.

Here are some of the ways they summarize the ways to keep the fire alive:

* “Don’t dilute your personality just because you are in a relationship. Keep it strong and fiesty.”

* “Always argue with a wink and a smile. Keep it fun and humorous, taking care not to ‘punch below the belt’ with your jibes.”

* “If you catch yourself saying, ‘Whatver you like, honey” too often, stop right there and speak your mind!”

*” Every so often, reexamine your tastes and opinions. Are they really yours?” (Or are they hers?)

* Don’t be afraid to drive your partner a little crazy. being annoying can actually turn (her) on!” (The author’s wrote “him” on, but as I said, I think this advice applies to both genders.)

There is much more in this book with some really valid tips to help you spice up your sex life. They are easy ideas to incorporate into your life and your relationship. They don’t cost a bit of money, only some time and energy. If you take a little bit of time and start doing things a little bit different, you can find just what you are looking for in what you already have.

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Body language. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The most important thing to remember when you are going out looking to pick up girls is that her body language will tell you if she is interested before she ever opens her mouth.

It’s not rocket science. A girl sends all kinds of signals indicating whether you should approach her or not. All it takes is a little bit of research and study of body language.

I recommend that every single guy out there beg, borrow or buy a book on body language and memorize it. It not only will help you when you are trying to pick up girls, but it will also help you once you get into a relationship. It is a small key to helping you understand women, what they want and what they need. Once you can figure this out, you will stand out from the hordes of other men out there who are looking for women.

A book on body language will teach you all the signs of interest. You can increase your chances of success in approaching a woman ten-fold if you just know what to look for. Body language teaches you How To Talk To A Girl.  For instance, lets say you see a beautiful woman in a bar and have already made your approach, you are feeling pretty good about the encounter because she hasn’t told you to get lost. You are thinking about making a move to try to get her to come home with you. Now when you look down, you see that her knees and feet are pointing toward the door. Do you know what this means? It means back off buddy. She does not want to be there with you. If you take that and add it to some other indicators, you will be able to tell that she is just being polite and if you try to make a move you will fail big time.

However, this doesn’t mean all is lost. Say you continue talking and you are making her laugh. She starts to play with her hair a bit and is licking her lips while she is talking to you. What does that indicate? Make your move now. She likes you and wants you. What about if she puts her purse on the bar right by your elbow? Any idea what that means? It means she likes you and is comfortable with you. Green light.

These are just a few of the hundreds of signs that men and women give each other without necessarily even being consciously aware of. It can save you so much time and money to learn them.

Your friends will think you are the Mack Daddy when you tell them which girls will respond to advances and which ones won’t. It is clear as day. If — if you speak the language. And the language is body language. For some reason over the centuries, we have lost track of how to read body language and that is really too bad. It is nature’s way of saving you a lot of pain and grief and heartache.

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Cover of How to Start a Conversation

But I was missing a few things. I did not know how to talk to women. I was afraid to walk up to them. I was shy and didn’t know how to start a conversation. I was poorly groomed even though my body was in better physical shape. I had terrible posture and didn’t have a clue about body language.

So it wasn’t until I was in college and I went to visit my buddy in New York City for the weekend that I started to figure out that there was actually hope for me and that I could surround myself with amazing women. He and his friends went out and tore up the place. It didn’t matter if it was a coffeeshop or the latest happening night club, they made a huge impression, walking in, high fiving the bouncers, flirting with the waitresses and walking out at the end of the night with gorgeous, high-quality women.

They had gone to high school with me, so I just didn’t get it, they knew how to get girls way better than anyone I’d ever met – but they used to be horrible with women. In fact, I’m pretty sure at least three of them spent prom night in my basement playing Dungeons and Dragons. So what the heck had happened? What was different? Why were they so  much more successful than me? At the end of the weekend, I just had to ask.

I didn’t want to look like an idiot, so I took  my friend aside. He told me it all started when he began looking into the pick up artist community. I kind of laughed and said, “You mean those jerks who lie to pick up women and then sleep with them and dump thenm?”

“See that’s the thing,” he told me. “It’s really not about that at all. It is about being the best man you can be. It’s about learning how to grab ahold of the self confidence you deserve and how to make yourself the type of guy any woman would be thrilled to date.”

He told me that since he became friends with guys in the pick up artist community he learned how to dress better, how to talk to women and how to flirt. He said possibly the most important thing he learned was how to overcome his fear of getting rejected. It was an awesome experience, he said. He enrolled in a pick up artist bootcamp and spent the weekend going up to girls and trying to get them to reject them. At the end of the weekend, he was completely over his fear of rejection and said it was no big deal.

And the irony was that it was also the last time he ever was rejected. From that point on, he has been successful with girls and is having the time of his life. All it took was a little knowledge.

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(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally, you have her number. Maybe you thought that getting that number was the toughest thing you had to do. But now you might want to reconsider this statement. Now you should decide when to call her and what to say (resource on how to talk to girls). Answering these questions is as much complicated as getting the girl’s number.

And there is no definite answer to these questions. Some say that you should call her the same day; others insist that you should wait a day or maybe even two to make her wait. It depends on the situation, your intentions and the girl herself. Sometimes it makes sense to make a quick call the very same day. For some people a trick of calling her a few minutes after you left her works just perfectly. Many really prefer to make a girl wait for a day, or even a week.

Important thing here is not to make it too long. If you call after a week it might indicate to her that you were not interested in her enough, and that she is your second or maybe third choice.

It goes easier if she told you when to call her. But make sure you are punctual here. If she said you could call her between 6 and 7pm on Thursday, then call her exactly between 6 and 7pm on that day. It will show her that you were paying attention and respect her.

I can't believe he texted that! (Photo credit: JPott)

You should find some balance here. Don’t call too soon if you don’t want to seem too eager. And don’t call after a long gap if you don’t want to seem too uninterested. In this case a 2-days-rule makes sense.

There are also certain rules regarding time you should or should not call. Don’t call her at office or school hours. She won’t be able to pick up, and if she picks up she might be really annoyed by disturbance. Don’t call early in the mornings. Don’t call late in the night. This leaves you with evening hours which are supposedly the best time to call a girl.

And yes, you should not forget that girls know the rules, too. They read the same magazines that you do, visit the same websites. They know when you supposedly should call, and they also know what it means when you didn’t call at the time they expected you to.

Women emotionally react to things and situations, and they might take it personally when you call after a couple of weeks only because you were out of town all this time. It might take a while to explain to a girl that it was no intention of yours to keep her waiting for so long. But then you probably would want to go through troubles of explanations only if you really are interested in the girl.

Remember that it is only you who can make a decision when to call a girl. The safest variant is 2 days, yet it varies from situation to situation, from girl to girl, even from man to man.

And one more thing, once you made up your mind to call her think about what you will tell her. Don’t dial that number unprepared. Because if you do, the whole “when-to-call-her-thing” won’t really matter anymore.

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Candles (Photo credit: magnuscanis)

It is what you have been angling for all night — or maybe all month. But she has finally decided to come over to your apartment for dinner or movies or whatever you have suggested. What can you do to ensure that her visit is comfortable and will make her want to come back again.

Here are some ideas.

Now this first one should be a no brainer, but it must be said. Your place must be spotless. You must take some time to clean and pick up your place. You need to pay special attention to the bathroom and the kitchen. I guarantee you this is way more important than a clean bedroom. A girl is going to notice if you keep the bathroom and kitchen clean, so expend most of your energy in this area. Then pick up the rest of the apartment or house and look for obvious signs of dirt — such as heavy dust build up or crap all over the carpet. Easy fixes. But make sure your kitchen and bath are spotless.

The next thing you need to concentrate on is making sure the temperature in your apartment is comfortable. If it is a steamy hot summer night, you better have an army of fans or air conditioner. If it is cold, crank up the heat ahead of time and if that is not sufficient, then invest in some space heaters. Make it a little warmer than you would naturally. Women like to be warm and cozy.  The woman’s comfort is key here, right?

Ambience. This really matters to women. It can be achieved cheaply and simply with lighting and music. Even if you don’t have a lot of extra cash, you can invest in some cheap votive candles and holders. In fact, one of my tricks is to save my fancy Bonne Maman jelly jars and then put small white votive candles in them and put them EVERYWHERE around my place. You can string white Christmas lights to evoke a romantic mood as well. Soft lighting is flattering to women and they love it. Bring on the romance! Ambience also involves smells. Don’t clutter your place with chemical smells from cleaning or other strong smells from incense or candles.  Buy non scented candles, especially for where you eat. Because people have such different preferences for scents, I always avoid any because nothing is worse than walking into a place with a smell that turns you off and not being able to get away from it.

Think about what music you want to play in relation to what sort of mood you want to build, as well. Have your music ready to go. The ambience of your place could really make or break your date.

After ambience, I would be sure to have something nice to drink — really whatever she likes. Maybe even a bottle of champagne or a great bottle of wine and have that chilling and ready to go. Have something yummy to much on. Maybe some good cheese and some olives or some treats.

With a little bit of preparation, you can make your home inviting and make your girl want to come back over and over again.

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How To Attract Women Step #1

1. Honest Self-Evaluation.

The very first step in attracting women is taking some time to look at your strengths and weaknesses. Figure out what makes you unique and what special qualities you have to offer women. Look at yourself as a product. You are the product and the salesman.

When you do this, don’t forget to acknowledge if you have some particular weaknesses that might be standing in your way. For instance, if you are chronically shy that could affect your ability to meet and attract women. Look at ways to overcome that so it is not a liability.

How To Attract Women Step #2

2. Good Grooming.

how to dress well (Photo credit: Montauk Beach)

I’m certain some men out there are scoffing at this piece of advice, but I would advise them to never take good grooming too lightly. It could make or break you. Women notice how a man is groomed. They notice if you have crappy shoes on, or if you have a pair of polished and stylish shoes. Ask the women you know if you don’t believe this. Like it or not, every single person makes a split-second judgment on other people based on appearances. Wrong or right, it’s reality.

You don’t have to be a fashion plate, but you do have to make sure you are groomed well enough that it appears you care about yourself. See, that’s the secret. Good grooming is a strong indicator of self-esteem. If you care enough to take the time to iron your shirt, shave your beard and brush your teeth, you are that much more ahead of the game.

How To Attract Women Step #3

3. Fake it until you make it.

I’m talking about self-confidence. If your self-esteem leaves something to be desired, I want you to do this little trick. Go out to a club and walk in like you normally do. Be like a scientist and carefully note the reactions you get from women.

The next week, on the same night, walk into that same club. But this time, I want you to be pumped up, having told yourself, and continually telling yourself, that you are one cool dude who is here to have fun and that women will love having you around. Don’t let any hesitation creep into your mind. Make it your sole goal for the night, to keep this tape running through your head and then, sit back and see what happens.

Trust me, you’ll be amazed.

How To Attract Women Step #4

4. Learn how to entertain.

In other words, have something to offer a woman when you walk up to her. Either learn how to effectively tease her in a way that is fun, not offensive, or learn a magic trick or memorize a great story. Go out there with the intention of offering her something to spice up your night. If you do this, you will automatically know how to attract women in a way that will work every single time you go out.

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