It is funny because from the time they are little girls women are raised and told to play hard to get. They are advised to always let the guy chase them. They are told to act disinterested and to never quite give their hearts away until they have a wedding ring on their finger.
Conversely, from the time they are little boys men are raised and told that their job is to pursue women. They are advised to go after what they want. To be aggressive and fight for the girl of their dreams. They are also told that they have won the “game” when the woman agrees to marry them.
Well I’m here to tell both men and women that this does not need to be so. I think in any healthy relationship there are elements of give and take. Sometimes the woman is the one who makes herself more vulnerable in a relationship, but sometimes it is the man’s job to be the vulnerable one.
And when it comes to courtship, it is OK for men to play a bit hard to get. It isn’t just men who want what they can’t have. Women also want what they can’t have. This can be a sure fire strategy to either spark a woman’s interest in you or to even get an ex girlfriend to be interested again.
Playing hard to get is not a game, despite the word “playing” because for it to truly be effective, you genuinely have to consider yourself unavailable. You really need to feel like you are not interested in the woman for it to work. When you truly don’t care whether that hot woman approaches you or not, well, chances are that is when you are going to be approached.
I read the greatest example of how this works once from a woman’s perspective. She was out at the bar with a bunch of her friends at a bar and they met a guy from Denmark. (The bar was in the U.S.) Apparently the guy made somewhat of a disparaging remark about how most Americans don’t even know where Denmark is.
Her girlfriends agreed with him, basically saying that Americans could be so ignorant about other countries and other cultures. But this girl said something to the effect that it was because nobody needed to know where Denmark was anyway. She was sassy and confident and said it with a smile and then walked off.
Later when she was at the bar by herself, the guy from Denmark came and found her.
To me, that is the ultimate and perfect example of playing hard to get. Not being a jerk, but not trying to make anyone like you. That is the goal. Because you see when you try to make someone like you, chances are you are going to fail. It is the trying part that doesn’t work. And it is especially ineffective when you go against what you naturally feel or think in an effort to make someone like you.
- The Art of Complimenting a Woman in the 3rd Person (puaforums.com)
- Is Playing “Hard to Get” A Losing Game? (blogher.com)